Oct 1.2014
I have, for many years felt that I am better at pretend living than actual real life. It has been a constant, nervous tension, a hesitant feeling I've worked through. Once, I thought a good description would be my thinking was like oil spreading on water, wanting to know everything, but never really going deep. Recently, I had a very difficult day, forgetful, distracted by almost everything.
Fifteen minutes maximum of focus, it feels like. Thinking is slow and 'muddy' feels like swimming in thick dragging, murky water. Like after a storm and the silt is all kicked up.
BUT - I am blessed, I know I am. I feel happier when I focus on the fact that I am much healthier I was only six years ago, I feel rested most days. I am especially grateful that I have such little pain now. It absolutely feels funny and strange to be stronger.
Well, I thought I might select a topic now and try to tell some stories.
I remember that the comic books in the Officer's commisary store were many times very old, and used ones were on the rack as well. Among the Archie and Superman comics were Tales from the Crypt and other horrors like Mad Magazine and Playboy. The counterman and other patrons watched carefully when kids were there so we could not look too long, or pick up the adult magazines, but comics were not as guarded.
Tales from the Crypt. I do not recall buying one, but I did manage to read a few pages at a time and bought a 'respectable' tome to take home. It was a forbidden thrill. . Horrors that had only on rare occassion had gone into my nightmares now became regular fantasms in my day dreams. Decaying and stinking animals with maggots were a reoccuring theme. This was especially true after the fellow who owned the field with sheep and goats complained us kids were bothering his livestock. (we probably were, it was a fun, rocky area to play hide & seek.) Anyway, we were thereafter forbidden to wander that far, and I imagined many horrors befell his animals.
***More than enough time used up for this post***
Fifteen minutes maximum of focus, it feels like. Thinking is slow and 'muddy' feels like swimming in thick dragging, murky water. Like after a storm and the silt is all kicked up.
 |
| Forbidden Reading |
Well, I thought I might select a topic now and try to tell some stories.
I remember that the comic books in the Officer's commisary store were many times very old, and used ones were on the rack as well. Among the Archie and Superman comics were Tales from the Crypt and other horrors like Mad Magazine and Playboy. The counterman and other patrons watched carefully when kids were there so we could not look too long, or pick up the adult magazines, but comics were not as guarded.
Tales from the Crypt. I do not recall buying one, but I did manage to read a few pages at a time and bought a 'respectable' tome to take home. It was a forbidden thrill. . Horrors that had only on rare occassion had gone into my nightmares now became regular fantasms in my day dreams. Decaying and stinking animals with maggots were a reoccuring theme. This was especially true after the fellow who owned the field with sheep and goats complained us kids were bothering his livestock. (we probably were, it was a fun, rocky area to play hide & seek.) Anyway, we were thereafter forbidden to wander that far, and I imagined many horrors befell his animals.
***More than enough time used up for this post***
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